NEWS In a bold move the President announced the deployment of his fleet of "Freon™ Fighter" drones that will mist areas hit hardest by global warming with Freon™, the coolant most commonly used in refrigerators and air conditioning units. The fleet will monitor and interrogate suspected eco-terrorists and mist protests that have not purchased the proper permits . On their days off the drones will deliver amazon prime packages to generate a living wage for the drone's families as the "Freon™ fighting" will be done pro-bono for the love and preservation of American values.
With stocks plummeting, and traditional venues providing no answers a large portion of brokers and bankers have turned to astrology, warning that scorpio season will be the most deceptive and kinkiest times the DOW has seen in decades and should not be trusted.
The UN concluded its global corporate haiku competition today. The winning poem "Amoré Is Never Saying Sorr-é" by the Nestlé corporation won the grand prize of 1,000,000 carbon credits and its logo to appear within every Pandemicare® QR code.
Reports from across the globe show that local Drug Cartels are employing scientists who have disbanded or been fired from governmental positions to create hybrid "party vaccines." Although cheaper, way more fun and way more accessible then the vaccines provided by Pandemicare® the FDA warns of costly side effects.
A scientist in Bern Switzerland has engineered a new species of dog that has a permanent smile, goofy/cute eyes,super soft paws and generates sustained levels of high heat to help economically challenged people with depression in colder climates.
Sand prices have hit record highs making huge returns for pebble pounders around the globe. The National Beach Volleyball association cites price gouging , and plans to take swift legal action.
FAKE
CHAT